every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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