Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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