I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
