I didn't shave. On purpose
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
