I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
