You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
