What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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