I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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