..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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