Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
