If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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