so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
