how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
