Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
