Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
