this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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