I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
