i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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