the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
