I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
