If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
