how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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