You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is wine microwaveable?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
