youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I will pee on everything he values.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
