I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
