In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize