Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
