i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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