I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
