so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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