You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
