ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
