i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
