I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
