I skipped work to stalk him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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