fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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