so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
