I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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