i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what day is it and did you see me today?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
