your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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