So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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