i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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