Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
