Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
