Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
