Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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