The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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