i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
