I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fuck appropriateness.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
