New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
