So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
