apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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