Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
