I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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