i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
