Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
