anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
