i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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