thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
