Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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