Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
