glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
