wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
