addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
