i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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