She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
