Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
