I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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