Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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