You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
