He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
