he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
