Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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