I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
