wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
