That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
