Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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