hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
