Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
