like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
